InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "CANDYBAR ATTACK NOW!"

sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me (keieeeye) wrote,
@ 2009-05-14 08:52:00

Current mood:	distressed
Entry tags:	faith in humanity, fanfic, gratuitous tmi, ianto fucking jones, portents of doom

Dear slash writers:
Ianto Jones does not have a vagina.*

This may seem obvious, but it means there are certain ramifications that some of you seem not to be grasping. Namely that, as you like to point out, Jack has genitalia sized quite firmly above average. When inserted into the anus, especially the first time, this is quite likely to hurt.

Things that make it even more likely to hurt are the complete absence of lubrication and pre-penetration preparation. I do not think Ianto would much approve of Jack just sticking it in there. (I'm not sure Jack would much approve either, for that matter. Before or after Ianto kicked him in the balls.)

Please consider and adjust your writing accordingly. TY.

* for exceptions, see Torchwood novel Almost Perfect.

eta:
Given that ~iantofuckingjones is too long a un, do I want ~kingianto or ~king_ianto?

(Post a new comment)

amor_remanet
2009-05-13 04:28 pm UTC (link)

I'm Torchwood ignorant, but ~iantoeffingjnes is free... and, of the presented options, I vote ~kingianto.

Also, the Criminal Minds slashers need to hear get a permutation of that lesson, especially when so many of them are so intent on writing Dr. Reid as an ultra-virgin until [one of the other guys, who is invariably well-endowed] comes along and then, oh, hallelujah, it's a super magical first time!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	keieeeye 2009-05-13 04:33 pm UTC (link)
	Fic that bypasses preparation traumatises me slightly. I will read gun porn and BDSM and bloodplay and breathplay but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE LUBRICANT. (or at least, if you don't, make it clear that it's a bad idea.) Super magical first time already makes me lol. I love finding fic that has awkward sex. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	sherlock 2009-05-13 04:50 pm UTC (link)
	IANTOEFINGJONES (Reply to this) (Thread)

	keieeeye 2009-05-13 04:54 pm UTC (link)
	XDDD (Reply to this) (Parent)

	tracichan 2009-05-13 10:30 pm UTC (link)
	I would think that a firmly above-average package, inserted into anything the first time, might hurt just a bit. But, you know, I don't have Ianto's magical mangina. It is Torchwhood, after all. Maybe they found some... auto-lubrication pill that Jack's been using to spike his coffee or something? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	keieeeye 2009-05-13 10:33 pm UTC (link)
	Hey, I could handle that if it was at least mentioned! I mean, my fandom has canon mpreg and Martha/Shakespeare. It's utter camp crack. (Though as Ianto makes the coffee, Jack may have to get creative with the spiking.) (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tracichan 2009-05-14 10:21 am UTC (link)
	Oh, I forgot that Ianto made the coffee. :( I've only gotten through half of the first season of Torchwood, since Hastings was missing disc 4 up until we got so busy we couldn't coordinate a weekend to finish it up. (Reply to this) (Parent)