InsaneJournal

Current mood:	enthralled
Entry tags:	dr who, glee!, ianto fucking jones

Bay of the Dead
Oh my god so many spoilers behind the cut including excerpts from the actual text.

This was totally awesome, though this may be partly due to the state of excitement I was in upon being able to read something new. WITH FUCKING ZOMBIES. (Not as totally awesome as Almost Perfect, but still pretty awesome.) There is also a lot of Andy in it. FUCKING ANDY. AND FUCKING ZOMBIES. Rhys is amazingly badarse - he and Andy actually both get some great action, with the zombie-fighting and rescuing girls and so on.

In the Jack/Ianto realms, there's very little. They refer to each other in the narration as friends, though Ianto does note that he's not sure what's with the Jack and Swanson sexual tension and isn't sure whether to be jealous. Jack kisses him on the forehead. However, Ianto is a motherfucking gangsta, orders Jack around and has some great lines. That is my Ianto, yo.

Best parts: (yes, I typed these up while I was reading. I was excited.)

for alan and max, who love zombies even more than I do

Jack arched an eyebrow. He appreciated Ianto's efforts to step into the considerable breach left by the deaths of Owen and Tosh, but he couldn't deny that the extra workload his friend and colleague had recently taken on affected his focus on occasion. Even the normally exceptional standard of Ianto's coffee had slipped a little these past months. Not that Jack would have said anything. Ianto would have been devastated.

WHAT THE FUCK GWEN DON'T SHOOT THEM IN THE CHEST. THE FUCKING FACE, DAMMIT.

"You have to shoot them in the head," Rhys said.
Gwen blinked at him. "What?"
"That's what they always do in the movies. To kill them you have to shoot them in the head, destroy their brains."
"This isn't the movies, Rhys," Gwen snapped.
"Just try it," he ordered.

"See," Rhys said smugly.
"Don't gloat, Rhys," Gwen replied. "It's not attractive."

AND THEN HE TAKES A ZOMBIE'S HEAD OFF WITH A GOLF CLUB.

"Whoa there, Mr Testosterone," Ianto said drily. "There's no need to impress me with your crazy stunt driving."
"Never walk when you can run, Ianto," Jack said heartily.
"Never die when you can live," Ianto muttered, and then added, "Oh, I was forgetting - you don't."

ZOMBIE SATNAV???? market this, omg.

"We'll take her," Jack said to Ianto. [regarding a 12-13 year old girl who looked like she could have died yesterday.]
"Because she's the... prettiest?" Ianto ventured.
Jack shot him a look. "Come on, Ianto, even I'm not that shallow. I was thinking more that she wouldn't smell as bad as her buddies."

"You need to finish them with a head shot," Jack said.
"How do you know that?" Ianto asked.
"Believe me, when you've been around as long as I have, you get through a hell of a lot of movies."

LOL IANTO + WOMAN GIVING BIRTH.

Ianto wished he had a third hand with which he could hold a torch, and thought that maybe he ought to think about rustling up some kind of head-mounted devices for them all. However, the thought of how horrified Jack would be if it was suggested he wear something practical rather than stylish almost made him smile.

It's okay Andy, you can't die in a tie in novel! The tv-only fans would get so confused!!

Vaguely aware of the wetness of his own blood pumping from his throat, Jack managed to croak out one word, "Ianto", before unconsciousness rushed in and everything went black.

The long and short of it was, Jack had simply slipped and knocked himself out.
How embarrassing, Jack thought.

LOL IANTO STOLE JACK'S MATTRESS FOR THE WOMAN GIVING BIRTH. Apparently Jack's assisted births before.

"And let me guess - the zombie's in the cells."
Ianto nodded. "I've put her next door to Janet. They'll be making friends by now."
"Bitching about us, no doubt. You know how girls are when they get together."

Gwen had called a flustered Ianto twenty minutes earlier, only to be told that he was in the middle of delivering a baby and that Jack was dead again. It had not been a long conversation.

"She isn't human?"
"She never was. In fact, she was never anything. She's a construct. She's made of some kind of alien substance which our equipment can't identify. She's ersatz meat."
"Like Quorn, you mean?" said Ianto.
Jack laughed. "Zombie flesh as a vegetarian option. Now there's a novel idea."

"I'm always careful," Jack said out of the corner of his mouth. "Just be ready with the handcuffs."
"If I had a penny for every time you've used that line," Ianto deadpanned.

"But just in case you *do* become one, can I request permission now, while you're still able to grant it, to shoot you in the head? *Without* incurring a pay cut."
Jack grinned. "Permission granted," he said.

"And I'm guessing, from the way you scampered across here like an excited puppy, that you've found something?"
Ianto looked pained. "I don't 'scamper'. I stride. Briskly but with dignity."
"I detected a definite scampering motion," said Jack.
Ianto tutted and shook his head, and returned his attention to the reports in his hand."
"Are you sulking now?" asked Jack.
"No, I'm not sulking," Ianto replied. "I'm collating."

Sophie licked butter off her fingers and took a swig of tea. "I tried tuna and banana [sandwiches] once," she said.
Andy grimaced. "That's *disgusting*. What did it taste like?"
"It wasn't so bad once I put the ketchup on."
"You never-" he began, and then saw the expression on her face. "You're pulling my leg, aren't you?"
"A bit," she admitted. "It was soy sauce, not ketchup."

"Zombie roadkill," said Jack. "Couldn't be helped. He stepped right out in front of me."
Ianto glanced into the rear-view mirror, to see a dark smear on the road behind them.
"There's no need to sound so happy about it," he said. "I worry about you sometimes."
Jack grinned. "What can I say? I enjoy my work."

HELICOPTER EX MACHINA :D

Ianto noticed the family all staring with astonishment at Jack, whose entire body seemed to be pulsing with light beneath his greatcoat.
Straight-faced, he said, "Just ignore him. He likes to show off. He's not even a real American."