1. My rabbit is totally awesome. Except when it's raining I have been spending a few hours outside with him, lying in the sun reading or cuddling him. A few days ago he climbed all over my copy of Watership Down when I was reading it in front of the open fence door and he got curious.

2. My sister's been dragging me out of the house - to the pub, natch. Sundays is 3-for-2 tap pints so she and a friend get their Guinness and I have a Speights and we're quite ridiculous.

3. My internet activity is totally old school. I'm playing my MUD again, I have a level 15 myrmidon in the temple of order, law and balance (warrior-mage, essentially, and in the later levels they can work with runes, she's badarse) and a level 10 cleric in the nature temple. She isn't quite as badarse, but she's no slouch either. ALSO I'm totally playing virtual pet sites again. I'm mostly active on http://www.wajas.com and http://www.khimeros.com. This is actually good because most of the sites have games and between them there's like mahjong, solitaire mancala, mastermind, minesweeper and that sliding-tile game where you have to rearrange them to form a picture in a 4x4 grid with 15 tiles. (Khimeros also has sudoku but it doesn't give you pretend money.) So they're all thinking games, and they're fun.

4. Fandom on LJ consists of me usually being very laidback until humanity sucks and I get rage. So, pretty much normal. I write things or put together video clips to music and people tell me they like them. It's a good arrangement.

5. Speaking of, I have rage.

6. I'm on the waiting list for the anxiety outpatients unit. The waiting list is nine months long. Story to be updated in September.

7. Animals are pretty damn awesome.

I swear, if I don't get a tan this summer, sitting in the sun for a while every day with my rabbit, I never will.

When I think objectively, I also find it strange that I consider lying on the lawn reading while my rabbit flops in his cage to be spending quality time with him. But.. you know... I scratch him a bit and we look at each other and he tooth-purrs.

Also: went to meeting with the psych unit. Diagnosed with social phobia. Was told I'd probably feel better if I got volunteer work or something. THINGS I ALREADY KNEW FOR $500.

I have finally done a Pepper epilogue. Shocking, I know. I've mostly been focused on vidding and writing human/technology slashfic. But there's proof and everything.

So now I have an hour before I have to leave to whine at my doctor about how my meds don't work anymore.

- Work more on MS#7. PLOT. Title? MS#7 is uncatchy.
- Take notations of progression of Cloudy Now
- Plot mood etc
- Start collecting .dv clips from Mentalist
- Love on Patrick
- Walk bunny?
- Be saner.

I took my bunny for a run outside yesterday, after a while he flopped down and we had a lie down on the grass, it was nice. Been looking at outdoor hutches. After he's neutered it would be nice to get him a friend, not sure what my parents would say though - suspect they'd only agree if I kept them outside. He is quite moody at the moment due to hormones so I've been trying to teach him to be nice, he used to be such a little angel too. Hopefully he'll calm down after neutering though - and either way he is still lovely most of the time.

Got recced on torchwood_house with my post-Journey's End fic of all things. Explains why I had like eight new reviews on a fic I wrote a few months ago. Have to dig out the refill I was scribbling on on the bus last night to type things up. And figure out what I'm cooking for dinner. Mostly I just want to lie down and not think. No chance of that though so considering going to Eastgate for excessive amounts of candy and a bottle of midori.

Might take fluffernutter outside again too - must try and remember camera this time if I do.

Commenting too much work but omnomnom to sab and mangoz.

Not really. But I've got the bug that's been going around my family. Scratchy throat Saturday afternoon, developed to full on chest/nose/head cold yesterday (Sunday), went to bed 6.30 and got up today alternately coughing and sneezing and freaking my bunny out.

Still, I managed to trim most of his nails, then since I had him wrapped in a blanket anyway I carried him round the house to see if I could swap cooking nights for later in the week (forgot they're going on holiday, but my dad gave me a box of lemsip).

So, my vet has swine flu. First my appointment was yesterday, then later this afternoon, now I'm dropping Holly off at 9am Friday and the vet will fix his teefs and they'll call me when I can pick him up. My poor darling. :( He is still eating though I gave him some new parsley and he crunches it noisily.

I am in a major funk. I think I will blame my girlparts. And I have to go back to the doctors soon. My sister hassled me into enrolling for a community college course on hieroglyphs with her but that doesn't start until August 11 so hopefully I will feel better by then. Mostly at the moment I'm reading, playing a lot of sudoku on easy level, learning my way around vidding software and occasionally writing something (the cool thing about delicious.com is that I can see how many people have bookmarked my fics), though rearranging video clips is a bit more mindless than writing. Just also more tedious.

I can put sparkles in, though.

Nightmares all night and couldn't pull myself out of them until now (ten am). I feel half dead still. My bunny licked my feet and stood on me while he ate parsley which was cute but I feel so sluggish and my brain is heavy.

I hate contacting strangers. D: outside my comfort zone much. at least email makes it easier. I am expressing interest in a broken sooty fawn buck mini lop. I hate doing this sort of thing - I am much better with automated internet shopping or going into a shop to buy something, but I so don't want to buy a rabbit from a pet store so I sort of have to interact with people. (Store clerks don't count as people when it comes to my anxiety. They're part of the process.)

Augh she just emailed me back, he is still available (yay) but I have to phone call in the afternoon. *wibbles madly*

But omg look at these preciouses

I've found the line of how much lorazepam my doctor will prescribe me in a quarter, which is 15 1mg tablets. Which means no more than one a week.

ALSO THE DOCTOR WEIGHED ME AND I PUT ON WEIGHT. :D


On a different note the fuckheads who lit fires I hope your houses burned down which they probably did because two towns have been obliterated. If you want to kill a shitton of people do it the old-fashioned way with a gun in a crowded mall, except don't coz it's shitty, but omgggggg. The environmental damage makes me cry. D: People with cars couldn't even get out in time, let alone wild animals, and plants can't move at all. DISAPPROVAL MONKEY DISAPPROVES.

I've wanted a pet for aaaaaaaages but it's so problematic. I mean, I like all animals so I'm not too limited by preference, but on the other hand... I have limited income and I have to get the idea past my parents. Which means no cats (dad hates them) and no dogs (too high maintenance and expensive, and would be troublesome to other people). First I would want to save up a pile of money for set up costs anyway because those are always the most expensive bit.

I've had mice before but I'd probably discount them and rats for being too small and not enough interaction - you can train them to be friendly and holdable, but they're not really what I'm looking for. Guinea pig would be more likely though I would have to research them a lot.

A bunny would be possible too though I have to research them too - I don't think my parents would like a bunny that's free range in the house much, when I was a kid we had bunnies in hutches outside but the hutch is in disrepair and I would worry about cold weather and escape.

It is possible that we could get an area of the garage cleaned up a bit to keep a cage or tank in for something, I suppose. However, that's separate from the house and kept locked, and... idk, I kind of want something that's more... in my face? I would much like to clean up my room completely as well so I can see how likely it would be that I could keep a cage or tank in here.

Reptiles are limited in New Zealand because of the risk of them escaping. There are no snakes, for example. If I wanted a reptile though I'd most want a bearded dragon, and from the poking around I did, they are really freaking expensive here.

idk. I wish I was on disability instead of invalid's so I'd at least be getting like $60-70 more a week instead of the crap NZ$147 I live on. It's enough when I'm living at home because I don't pay much rent but I can't move out. (Though I'd not move out if I was on disability either, I don't really want to add anything to stress, plus we get super internet here.)

I... had a long rambling post about the upcoming emotional struggles of my chars and how their personality flaws will compound their problems, but then I marked it private. idk why. I felt weird about the idea of letting people read it... but idk why.

Maybe I still need to hide a little bit.

Eh

Five times [character] [situation] and one time they didn't.

I.... yeah. idk. This song probably isn't the greatest to listen to on single repeat when I'm in this mood.

Shit >.> I accidentally took a night pill with my morning pill. They haven't been working so much lately anyway, but... I will keep an eye on my energy levels and possibly nap a little through the day.

From two days ago:
Three seasons of Bones with cannibals, burned flesh, degloving, excrement and all manner of other grisly, disgusting things, and then the very LAST episode I have to watch is about dog fighting. I should have just turned it off when I realised coz I was so not in the mood.


Today:
I should learn not to walk distances of over a kilometre in sandals. I have blisters on the soles of both feet. D: Also, the pharmacists kept coming out to double check my new dose and I have no idea why?

But I have my new meds, and I managed to leave the house without getting drunk first, and I haven't cried about anything today, so I think I'm okay.

My Civ III came yesterday, but it was shipped without a serial number :o luckily opening a ticket with Aspyr support resulted in them giving me one while I was sleeping so I messed with new games a couple of times to get the hang of the gameplay and now I have a proper game going. I am the Dutch. We are an agricultural seafaring nation. It's quite exciting.

Unfortunately I've been in a crap mood the last few days so I've been focusing on that more than chat or anything. Been working on a couple logs in email and tagging but apart from that... ugh. I need to drag myself to the pharmacy tomorrow preferably or else Monday to get more drugs, I just... do not want to leave the house.

And now it's quarter to eight and I'm waiting for dinner, and it's my older brother's birthday, so there'll be cake after, and then I have to do dishes, and I really just want to go to bed. Like, fifteen minutes ago. I might see if I can just do the dishes in the morning.

I just finished a 322 icon set of Jess Weixler from Teeth. The next biggest set is Julia Ormond at 242. as;lfjle;aw

Iconning is good when I'm miserable because it's completely mindless. Select, crop, sharpen, duplicate layer, screen, duplicate, soft light, possibly mess with colour balance, brightness, contrast, maybe merge the layers. Almost no thought required.

I want to sleep through the night. I shouldn't take ativan. At least my mood was good for knocking off the angstiest angst on my fic backlog, and I managed to finish my BBtP piece before I got all blah.

1. I was v stupid and I've run out of effexor but it's fucking freezing outside and pouring with rain. I do not want to go to the pharmacy. This is bad.

2. lol our downstairs hot water is borked. Last night I totally boiled water in the kettle to do the dishes with.

Note to self: Do not forget morning medication. If I do it means I take my whole day's dose in the evening, and my stomach does not like that. It's settled now I think though, it was just really not feeling good for a little while there.

I have been delving further into the intricacies of Sims and I have learned that there is a way to make children grow up!!! There is also a way to turn pets into people. Most of the spells look like they have side effects though there are some that are more useful like the one you can only use once that leaves piles of money totalling 50k simoleans around your lot, but definitely for Astra at least I'm focusing more on the cooking aspects of Makin Magic than the actual magic anyway. I think I might actually be able to get some carrots harvested soon - about three times I'd planted them and then had gophers or rabbits eat them. Astra wants to make carrot cake, dammit. I also wish you could buy bulk baking mix and sugar because there's only one way to get it and buying them one at a time is rather tedious.